I thought imposter syndrome was funny, in that I enjoyed the idea of an imposter and investigating if I felt or experienced any of the symptoms and at the same time it revived some fears of am I adequately prepared. A friend who was my favorite sub for two years ago just started her first year of teaching, and after a rough week told me she feels like an imposter. I think I understand where she is coming from. We are hard ourselves when we think we have not done our best but this is a strength to improve.
Am I alone in wondering about this, and if I am ready? Apparently not, for many in my cohort shared concerns about feeling smart enough to be in this cohort. I think it is good to get what we really think out on the table and I do not particularly care if I am the one who opens the door, because it helps others express what they need to know about. I sense there may be a fear of appearing out of one's league with being a doctoral student from so many of the comments, but also see such support to help us through our first semester.
Dr. Nelson said, "What do you want to become smart at?" and I think this is what we need to focus on. We may not have felt smart enough to be here at first, but our aim is to learn and to become smarter. A good educdator is reflexive, even if we used to call it being reflective. These two terms seem interchangable to me. We are reflexive so we can better our practice and that is why we are in the program. I do not pretend to be something other than an ordinary science and technology teacher who loves to learn with her students. I know my students need to handle and apply science and technology to make learning meaningful. It is how I learn too. Comparing myself to others has never been productive. I prefer to compare my earlier self to my present self and I see growth and that is what truly matters.
What will the challenges be? Last fall, I was thinking to myself before Teachers College of San Joaquin announced the joint UOP doctoral program of how much I enjoyed my masters statistics class with Dr. Gunsten-Parks. I wanted to sit in just to hear all the wonderful ideas and how to deepen my understanding of quantitative data. Now I have my chance in a different way with different statistics and quantitative teachers, though I prefer the qualitative experience.
For now, I feel I am smart enough to be here.